Dun Worry, I'm not gonna bore you with another tale about "the big fish that got away".
Recently, though, a good friend was happily married to a longtime friend. Her hubby is not yet a believer. And I can imagine the typical kind of counselling she has to face in the Care Group.
I've done such counselling myself and it's not always a pretty sight.
In fact, about the same time, another friend 'buzzed' me on Yahoo Messenger and asked for advice whether she should consider a non-Christian boyfriend. And I gave her the usual stuffs about the need for intimacy and spiritual compatibility... and she 'saw the light'. Phew.
Coming back to my married friend, my reaction was quite different. Spontaneously I express genuine happiness/support for her and feel her joy at the beautiful wedding.
Having seen the groom, I'm even quite confident that she had chosen well.
Sometimes, we just do what we intuitively know is right prior to careful reflection.
I didn't work out nicely (theologically) why I had such different responses.
It's only after the dust has settled that I can sit and trace back why I did it. Hopefully the reasons are consistent.
1. In one case, the less-than-ideal BGR has not even started. Not much emotional capital has been invested. Hit them with the hard truth.
2. In the other case, the marriage has taken place... the most redemptive course of action is to affirm, encourage the believer to love God and love her spouse into the Kingdom. Even if the person has 'converted', I can still be a friend, attend the wedding and stand by her.
(Btw the marriage is NOT between a storm-stopping, hand-wringing Christian and a hardcore, card-carrying atheist of the antagonistic type, a cocktail for disaster.)
2. Sharing the same statement of beliefs is not a guarantee for happiness. I know immature and co-dependent couples who are both Christians, but rely on 'fights' to get attention and keep the flame going.
3. Marriage has a lot to do with the chemistry (character/personalityof two people, imho). He is kind, gentle and understanding. It's a trusting healthy relationship.
So I believe she has made a good choice in tht sense. It wud have been more wonderful if he could provide spiritual leadership as well... but again we live in a fallen world, rite?
4. I dun think that it's time to give a lecture as she is mature enuff to make the choice. I'm glad that she loves God deeply and wants her hubby to gradually know the faith as well... and keen to explore ways how we can do that.
5. "Unequally yoke" may not be ideal but I think the Church needs to put it in perspective. It's not in the category of an adultery or murder, OK? It's not beyond redemption.
As a church, we should give serious thots abt how we handle delicate situations like that.
Recently, though, a good friend was happily married to a longtime friend. Her hubby is not yet a believer. And I can imagine the typical kind of counselling she has to face in the Care Group.
I've done such counselling myself and it's not always a pretty sight.
In fact, about the same time, another friend 'buzzed' me on Yahoo Messenger and asked for advice whether she should consider a non-Christian boyfriend. And I gave her the usual stuffs about the need for intimacy and spiritual compatibility... and she 'saw the light'. Phew.
Coming back to my married friend, my reaction was quite different. Spontaneously I express genuine happiness/support for her and feel her joy at the beautiful wedding.
Having seen the groom, I'm even quite confident that she had chosen well.
Sometimes, we just do what we intuitively know is right prior to careful reflection.
I didn't work out nicely (theologically) why I had such different responses.
It's only after the dust has settled that I can sit and trace back why I did it. Hopefully the reasons are consistent.
1. In one case, the less-than-ideal BGR has not even started. Not much emotional capital has been invested. Hit them with the hard truth.
2. In the other case, the marriage has taken place... the most redemptive course of action is to affirm, encourage the believer to love God and love her spouse into the Kingdom. Even if the person has 'converted', I can still be a friend, attend the wedding and stand by her.
(Btw the marriage is NOT between a storm-stopping, hand-wringing Christian and a hardcore, card-carrying atheist of the antagonistic type, a cocktail for disaster.)
2. Sharing the same statement of beliefs is not a guarantee for happiness. I know immature and co-dependent couples who are both Christians, but rely on 'fights' to get attention and keep the flame going.
3. Marriage has a lot to do with the chemistry (character/personalityof two people, imho). He is kind, gentle and understanding. It's a trusting healthy relationship.
So I believe she has made a good choice in tht sense. It wud have been more wonderful if he could provide spiritual leadership as well... but again we live in a fallen world, rite?
4. I dun think that it's time to give a lecture as she is mature enuff to make the choice. I'm glad that she loves God deeply and wants her hubby to gradually know the faith as well... and keen to explore ways how we can do that.
5. "Unequally yoke" may not be ideal but I think the Church needs to put it in perspective. It's not in the category of an adultery or murder, OK? It's not beyond redemption.
As a church, we should give serious thots abt how we handle delicate situations like that.
Comments
Sometimes, I do question the wisdom and reflective emphathy (if this is ever practised in the first place) of the church in confronting these issues. It's quite scary when the definition of 'unequal yoke' is extended to embrace cases of couple with different denomination (eg charismatic 'born again' vs methodist 'born, but not again'). I fell victim to this category, when I demanded for breakup frm my boyfriend at that time, feeling 'convicted' that we wouldnt be happy together since we have differences in these overarching beliefs. Looking back, it's silly when we lose our 'human' capacity of reflective reasoning, and being shrouded by fanatical principles.
It's ironic how church leaders would counsel unequal yoke (non-c and c) with such rigour, but in a way 'certify' marriages or relationships of couples, though confessed as Christians but cant seem to make a connection to their living testimony.
Guess we need to approach these issues as a case-by-case basis; but remain firm to the underlying principles; 'love the lord your God, and love your neighbour as thyself'.