By Millie Chan, GCF icommentary
I took offence when I heard about certain remarks made by a church member. However the hectic schedule in the ensuing days did not leave me much room to dwell on them. A week later when I replayed the account, I felt rather smug over how fast I had recovered, and quietly I congratulated myself for my forgiving nature.
Then the Lord led me to read an article on the need to forgive. I interacted with its probing questions and they revealed the true condition of my heart.
To begin with, the member concerned does not belong to the community of faith I have close fellowship with. In retaliation, I subconsciously resolved to close the door to any association with the member so that we will remain unconnected. This mental alienation strips the member of the power to hurt me further. I have not forgiven; I have merely accommodated my resentment.
In true forgiveness, the offence no longer separates and we are able to invite the offender back into the circle of fellowship.
Forgiveness means that we will not allow the offence to drive a wedge between us and we prompt our heart to anticipate fresh possibility.
To learn the grace of forgiveness, it is just as important to understand what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness does not mean that we will no longer remember the incident. That calls for amnesia, not forgiveness. A German pastor observes that one should never mention the words "forgive" and "forget" in the same breath. When we forgive, we may continue to remember but we will no longer use that memory to retaliate against the other.
And just because the memory continues to hurt, does not mean that we have not forgiven. The wound may run deep but forgiveness allows us to nurse the wound in the healing power of grace that comes with it.
Forgiveness does not require us to pretend that the offence did not really matter. The offence is real but we will no longer allow the offence to control our actions.
Forgiveness is not expected to restore everything to status quo. The reality is that things have changed. But forgiveness paves a way to move on.
And forgiveness does not demand that we must once again trust the offender without reservation. That will do violence to our rational judgement. Forgiveness has to do with an act committed in the past; trust is concerned with what takes place in the future. In forgiveness, we are asked to release the offender for a wrong; but
the offender still has to rebuild the trust that has been broken.
It is hard to forgive as it challenges our instinct for self-preservation. When we are wounded, the hurt renders us helpless and vulnerable. Anger on the other hand places us back in the control seat again. That is why it is said that there is pleasure in anger.
But the seat is on board a never ending escalator of hatred and vindictiveness which lets no one off but ultimately consumes everyone.
An unforgiving spirit costs us more than a shriveled and bitter life. We are taught to pray: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Does this mean that God's forgiveness is conditional - if we do not forgive we will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15)? No. God does not begrudge His forgiveness. At the
very heart of creation is God's desire to give and to forgive.
But God's forgiving grace flows only when our hearts are soaked in repentance and hungry for His forgiveness. If our hearts are so filled with vengeance, we have no room to see our own need for forgiveness and in turn we cannot receive any.
As Saint Augustine says, "God gives where He finds empty hands."
So I prayerfully asked the Lord for the grace to forgive. He lovingly provided me with a tender moment to approach the member. I obeyed. The possibility of a new fellowship has been established. The Lord has enabled me to turn a hurtful incident to good account.
My hands are now free to receive His forgiveness for which I am in desperate need.
I took offence when I heard about certain remarks made by a church member. However the hectic schedule in the ensuing days did not leave me much room to dwell on them. A week later when I replayed the account, I felt rather smug over how fast I had recovered, and quietly I congratulated myself for my forgiving nature.
Then the Lord led me to read an article on the need to forgive. I interacted with its probing questions and they revealed the true condition of my heart.
To begin with, the member concerned does not belong to the community of faith I have close fellowship with. In retaliation, I subconsciously resolved to close the door to any association with the member so that we will remain unconnected. This mental alienation strips the member of the power to hurt me further. I have not forgiven; I have merely accommodated my resentment.
In true forgiveness, the offence no longer separates and we are able to invite the offender back into the circle of fellowship.
Forgiveness means that we will not allow the offence to drive a wedge between us and we prompt our heart to anticipate fresh possibility.
To learn the grace of forgiveness, it is just as important to understand what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness does not mean that we will no longer remember the incident. That calls for amnesia, not forgiveness. A German pastor observes that one should never mention the words "forgive" and "forget" in the same breath. When we forgive, we may continue to remember but we will no longer use that memory to retaliate against the other.
And just because the memory continues to hurt, does not mean that we have not forgiven. The wound may run deep but forgiveness allows us to nurse the wound in the healing power of grace that comes with it.
Forgiveness does not require us to pretend that the offence did not really matter. The offence is real but we will no longer allow the offence to control our actions.
Forgiveness is not expected to restore everything to status quo. The reality is that things have changed. But forgiveness paves a way to move on.
And forgiveness does not demand that we must once again trust the offender without reservation. That will do violence to our rational judgement. Forgiveness has to do with an act committed in the past; trust is concerned with what takes place in the future. In forgiveness, we are asked to release the offender for a wrong; but the offender still has to rebuild the trust that has been broken.
It is hard to forgive as it challenges our instinct for self-preservation. When we are wounded, the hurt renders us helpless and vulnerable. Anger on the other hand places us back in the control seat again. That is why it is said that there is pleasure in anger.
But the seat is on board a never ending escalator of hatred and vindictiveness which lets no one off but ultimately consumes everyone.
An unforgiving spirit costs us more than a shriveled and bitter life. We are taught to pray: "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us." Does this mean that God's forgiveness is conditional - if we do not forgive we will not be forgiven (Matthew 6:14-15)? No. God does not begrudge His forgiveness. At the
very heart of creation is God's desire to give and to forgive.
But God's forgiving grace flows only when our hearts are soaked in repentance and hungry for His forgiveness. If our hearts are so filled with vengeance, we have no room to see our own need for forgiveness and in turn we cannot receive any.
As Saint Augustine says, "God gives where He finds empty hands."
So I prayerfully asked the Lord for the grace to forgive. He lovingly provided me with a tender moment to approach the member. I obeyed. The possibility of a new fellowship has been established. The Lord has enabled me to turn a hurtful incident to good account.
My hands are now free to receive His forgiveness for which I am in desperate need.
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