Seeking Bathsheba

I’ve come to dread going back to Ipoh for Chinese New Year. A queasy sense of foreboding envelops me when the uncles and aunties play 21 questions:

“Do you have a girlfriend yet?”
“When are you getting married?”
“All the good girls are getting snatched up already.”
“There’s no more ‘boat’ left if you missed Suchou.” (Chinese proverb)
“Why are you so choosy?”

(A friend taught me this rejoinder, “No-lar… The GIRLS are choosy nowadays!”)

Being single and available for nearly 3 decades on earth can be easily interpreted as either a display of dignity or simply, the lack of opportunity.

Hahah… But it’s neither, OK? Yea, rite...

“Why is he still single?” My sister and her friends were discussing this topic at one wedding dinner recently (in my absence, of course). They were as anxious as I am to find someone ‘lawful’. Who knows if David will marry a Bathsheba?

I’m kinda touched by their concern and would like to give my take on it.

As in all things, I win some and I have also lost some in the game of love. For sure, celibacy is not the ideal lifestyle for me in the long run.

Actually, I’ve met some wonderful people whom I’d be reasonably happy to ‘settle down’ with. Some of them are non-Christians. At various seasons of life, I’ve been tempted to seize on some of those opportunities. (I don’t believe ‘actively seeking’ is a sign of not trusting God)

But there are various explanations for my ‘predicament’:

1) I want to fall madly in love. Don’t settle for The Only if you can’t find The One.
2) “We keep so little of the promises we made to ourselves as a child. But there are some promises we should keep”. (Ally McBeal)
3) I’m scared stiff to make such a life-defining choice now
4) Girls ARE choosy (I cud have landed on a big fish had I been 3 cms taller! haha)

Looking back, my Calvinist instinct interprets this situation as some sort of divine design too. If things had turned out differently earlier in life, I wouldn’t have had the time and energy to pursue theological reflection/studies. It seems that the events in my life have been directed (via a myriad of choice, of course) to some kind of yet-unknown purpose.

At the moment, though, I’m enjoying my freedom so much that I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way...yet. That is, until “The One and Only” comes along?

Comments

Anonymous said…
Very heart-warming to see this 'other' side of you, brother, :)


Alwyn
Anonymous said…
Hahaha... I had a good laugh, thanks :D Like you, I also dread Chinese New Year and wedding dinners 'cos I will be bombarded with the same kind of questions. Glad to know that there's someone out there who shares the same views as me. Take care, bro.

Joanne
Anonymous said…
david,

I emphatise with you...I have lived longer than you as a single...concerning missing the boat...my response: I'd rather miss the last boat than board the wrong one!
Anonymous said…
When people tell me I am choosy, I say, "Of course." I see it as a necessary, even a good, thing. If I'm really choosing a partner for life, are you telling me I ought not to be choosy, that anyone would do?!!


Cheers,
irene
http://www.ireneQ.com
Anonymous said…
haha... wait till after you get married.. you'll be bombarded with another set of questions:

"How's married life?"
"What's it like?"
"How's the in-laws?"
"When are you going to have kids?"

So hey... what a wonderful world (life, I mean) ;)
Dave said…
Yup, that puts things in a new perspective doesn't it? I can imagine some of my parents' friends who ask this set of questions during their gathering...

"Have you got a grandson yet?"
"Did your daughter-in-law allow you to stay with sonny?
"Is So-and-So still alive? You mean, he's still around"
"How's your EPF holding on?"
§nóflèk said…
i just had my first taste of those questions last cny, and i can't help but to answer them, that i had too many to choose! you should see the looks on their faces - tats surely something different fr what my other cousins would normally answer (eg : hard to find someone, too busy wif work, not many choices available, etc)

;)
Anonymous said…
Hah! You've got it easy that only your relatives ask you those questions. I've got my whole youth group(whose ulterior motive is to extort angpaus from me) and half my church(maybe an exaggeration but since they ask so many times it sounds like half the church is asking) bombarding me with those questions when it comes to their minds which is about throughout the year. Hahaha!! My usual answer is "I'm working on it!" or "She's not from this church." Works for the first few times after that they'll just hammer back and ask me to show them the effort and the girl.

Jee Seng
Anonymous said…
Heart warming entry... Very seldom to see the non-theological issue in ur blog. Many a time, sharing this part of our lives with others show how humane we are and never ashame of it.

As abt the excuses... ha... jus laugh it off and tell them, they are many gals to choose.. but they have yet to find u.

Sometimes, it takes more effort and time to look for "rachel"
Dave said…
Just for the record, I get 'tackled' by the ladies in increasing frequency now that I'm approaching 30... hahah, the good news for guys is: Your market value peaks at this age (more mature mar... And 'stable' in more sense than one)
Anonymous said…
Dun worry, bro.. better miss the boat than get on the wrong boat. I married late too... LK